oh, yeah! I do have a blog!

i swear, i almost forgot i had a blog. i haven't been any busier than in the past; regular everyday life has just been happening. such as: the semster's halfway over! :-) I'm getting more comfortable with being in grad school, but not completely there. in class, when i listen to my classmates, at times they come across as so much more... thoughtful/insightful than me.but, i'm getting there. i think it's a matter of finding and having the time to connect the pieces. next semester i'm taking 3 classes, so that should help me to absorb the information better... work is going ok. i can't say that i love it, but i don't hate it. it is what it is and it pays the rent. i will say that i definitely like teaching a full class more than doing intervention with 2 students. it always makes me think about my former students and wonder how they're faring. i really hope they're flourishing. i'm also less committed to going back into teaching. i feel like i need to go ahead and finish this degree so i can do whatever i'd like when i'm done... i was interested in doing a Maymester in Ghana, but it looks like it's not going to work out. i heard about it a week or so ago, and i see that the deadline is November 1. i can get the essays done in time, but the application requires a letter of rec from a professor, and i can't ask for that this late. oh, and i need to attend an info session and those have all passed. so, no Ghana in 2010. i spoke with a classmate who went this past summer, and she raved about it. so, i'll put that in my plans for spring 2011. it will also be a better time financially. so, that's that... i looked at how much i owe on my vehicle, and slowly, but surely, it's being chipped away! hooray! by this time next year, my car will be paid off. :-)... i have my back to back classes today and i really don't feel like going. they're my least favorite of the four classes. but, since i'm paying for them, i need to pull it together and go. it just feels strange coming home... i wasn't going to go home for Thanksgiving, but now i'm thinking i should. my only hesitation is that it won't feel like a break if i go home. JE and i are going back and forth about it. if we go, he wants to rent an SUV. he's a big guy and i drive a little car. so, i'm sure you can see why he wouldn't be keen on the idea of riding for over 9 hours in my vehicle. the issues that are presenting themselves are: a) when we get to Tulsa, we'll want and need to go our separate ways. so, that'd require taking two cars, and b) my aunt in Houston will probably go with me to Tulsa. so, that's another logistical thing to consider... my head just hurts thinking about it, to be honest... and... i still haven't told my family JE and i are living together. he's been here about a month and half, and i guess i'm wanting to say something about it after we've been at it for a longer amount of time. i guess so it doesn't seem like some fly by night thing. and because i'm still trying to decide if being together is better than being alone. living with someone you love especially when you've been used to living alone certainly isn't a constant walk in the park. but, you know, we're trying it out. i'm giving this until January to allow the kinks to work themselves out... i'm thinking about going to a movie tomorrow. i really want to see Precious, but since it won't be out until next week (well, assuming one of the "select theaters" is in Austin), i have to think of something else. i don't have work or school on Friday, so i'm definitely looking forward to tomorrow!

until next time...

One month...

until my birthday! Yeah, that's about the most exciting piece of news I have so far. Life is pretty much business as usual... I went to Houston last Friday to get my hair done. Yes, I drove 3 hours to get my hair done. And, it was raining the whole drive. Apparently nothing can part a Black woman from a fly style. I got it done like this. I like it, but it's taking some getting used to. I LOVE big, curly hair, but i think this might have been too much. Then again, it always takes a day or two for the hair to tame down. Anyway, as I was driving back to Austin, I realized the trip was too short. I really didn't get to spend much time with my aunt and that sucked. The main reason I came back so quickly was that I needed to read for classes. I'd been talking to JE about the fact that i feel like i'm foregoing a lot of pleasures for school. i understand the need for sacrifice, but my mind keeps going back to the fact that this degree is merely icing on the cake. I don't have to obtain it, so the sacrifices are a much harder pill to swallow... Speaking of JE, he's still here and will be until... well, indefinitely. truth be told, we'd been talking about living together for a while, but i was hesitant for a number of reasons. but, i agreed to try it and see what happens. the major thing for me is this man tells me he wants to marry me. he's been telling me that since before we started officially dating. there's still no ring on my finger, so it's not set in stone. but, i feel like if that's what's meant to happen, we need to fully explore being together and that can't happen with him being in Tulsa and me being here. anyway, living together has had it's rough spots, to say the least. We've had some intense arguments, but things are on an even keel now. the key word: communication... i haven't told anyone in my family that we're living together and am struggling with if/when to reveal that. it's funny because i'm an adult and pay my own bills and take care of myself. but, there's still that part of me that wants the approval of my family. also, there's a small part of me that wonders if living together is truly the right choice. so, that's that... Believe it or not, I'm actually at midterm for this semester. I don't know where the time has gone, but it's certainly moving quickly. We start registering for next semester's classes in a few weeks and while I don't know what I'm taking, I do know I'm only taking 3 classes. It's makes things better for all parties involved... so, i'd been considering going back to teaching after this school year is up. it's funny how much i miss it, especially considering how awful my first year was. while i was in Houston, i stopped by to visit a friend of mine, who taught me with at the other school. she's now at a new KIPP school... and hating every minute of it. it seems that her biggest issue is with the school leadership. i guess it just goes to show that issues like that will forever be present in education, no matter how stellar a program you're running. then again, this is the school's very first year and everyone has room to grow and learn. anyway, i said all of that because it made me think about the things i didn't like about teaching and wonder if going back would be the best choice for me. so, we'll see what happens... i need to start looking for a job for the summer. my part time job is over in May, so i'll need to have something in the bag well before that point... I wonder if Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is good. I read the books to my students to teach... damn, i forget what reading comprehension I used... anyway, they loved the book, so i wonder how the movie is...

until next time...

16 days...

is how long it's been since i last blogged. i don't remember the last time i went so long from blogging. as you can imagine, i've been busy... Lord, i've been busy. this week, i essentially lived at the University of Texas. i've worked at UT from 9-3:30 Monday-Thursday and then had classes on Monday and Tuesday from 4-7, and back-to-back classes from 4-7 and 7-10 on Thursdays. Let me just say i hate Thursdays. Six hours of class is not the business. anyway, i only worked from 9-12 this Friday, and i didn't have classes. hooray! if things go as planned, i'll have Fridays off, which is fantastic! of course, i'll have to spend at least part of the day doing something for class. as i see it, it's the only way i'll be able to stay afloat. at any rate, it feels like all i do is go to work, read for classes, write papers, go to class, sleep, and repeat. Let's see... what else. oh, JE has been here since Thursday. He's going to stay a few weeks. When I told him what my schedule was like, he said he wanted to come and help me out. So, I said ok. He's expressed interest in moving to Austin to be closer to me and starting afresh, so he's putting out feelers about jobs. We'll see how that goes. Austin is very different from Tulsa. It's been a while since i had a man (outside of family members) stay with me for an extended amount of time, so his being here has been interesting. in many ways it's nice having him around because in many ways he makes life easier for me. I'm still tired, but not as tired as i'd been before he came. on the other hand, it is an adjustment getting used to sharing space with someone else. i haven't had a roommate in like 2 and a half years, so i'm sure you have an idea of how that can go... Oh, let's see, I'm also trying to make my way to ATL for homecoming next month. i haven't been to Atlanta in about a year and a half and i need it and scores of Black people in my life! i can swing the flight and a rental car, but the hotel... eh, not so much. unfortunately, none of my close friends stay in ATL anymore. hopefully i can work something out so i can escape... uhm, i'm questioning whether i'm in the right program, as in will it lead me to what i ultimately want to do. when i applied, i thought it did, and now... eh, i'm not so sure. i'm going to give it some time and take a few courses in the program i'm interested in and see what comes of it. the other program's still in the school of Education, so if i have to switch over, it shouldn't be too much of a problem... also, my time in school is showing me i have sooo much to learn, which is a good thing. but, it's also overwhelming, to say the least. i'm trying not to be hard on itself, but... it's difficult for me to allow myself this time to grow as a scholar... i don't have anything else to say other than i'll catch up on my blog reading/responding this weekend. i feel so behind!

until next time...

this, that & the other

• school and work have started. well, i'm still in training for work, so i haven't been to my school yet. but, i will go out next week for testing. so, i'm taking 4 classes, 12 hours. i think i'm going to really like 2 of them, tolerate one, and the other... is so boring! lord, i'm hoping the latter picks up soon. i think part of the problem is the subject matter is too conceptual right now. i need more concrete information. it can be difficult to read through, but at least let it be practical. actually, the lack (sometimes) of the practice is what has always annoyed me about grad school. anyway, the class is a required course, so i just have to bite the bullet and get through it.
• i'm thinking that either after this semester or next school year, i'll go from going to school full time and working part time to working full time and school part time. doing that will mean i won't get done in 3 years. but, i've found that i like working more than going to school. i guess it's because over time, i've found that i need a clear and tangible goal to work towards. i mean, i do have a clear goal in school: dissertation and the successful defense of said dissertation. but, in the beginning when you're just doing course work, the end is less clear.
• JE and i are... i don't know what to say. Things were moving quickly and i've had to take a step back and tell him we need to slow down. i'd been feeling funny about things since i was in Tulsa last month and had been acting a little... mean. I thought i was trippin' out because of stress (school, money flow, moving, etc.), and while that was partially true, i also think the fact the relationship was progressing at a sprint was a problem for me. we gotta think about this thing like a marathon. and then there's the fact that we had a huge argument the Sunday before last... i was so incensed i refused to answer his calls and texts for over a week. He was persistent, though. i'll give him that. anyway, i've calmed down since then, but am still distancing myself. I miss him, but i need to focus on acclimating to school and work.
• So, my blog husband unknowingly put me on to this show on A&E called Hoarders. My, my, my, my... i was astounded by the extent to which people hoard things. one woman and her husband were hoarding cats. yes, cats. anyway, my grandmother has a tendency to hold on to things (she's a child of the Depression, so it's understandable), but it's nowhere near the level of the people i watched.
  
• for some reason or another i came across an episode of The View where they interviewed Lil' Wayne. i was tickled by how every woman on that stage was enamored by him. and, i must admit, i'm captivated by Wayne in interviews. Yes, Lil Wayne has his flaws (feel free to list them now... I'll wait.... done? ok, great!), but there's something about his presentation that draws me in.
  
• So, I just got finished watching Jay-Z on Letterman. i also caught his Bill Maher interview on youtube. he's kinda charming and nerdy at the same time... i like it.
  
• speaking of school, i see i'm going to have to put myself on a strict study schedule. like, i'll read for this class on X day kind of thing. I haven't been that way in the past, but i think it's best for me to do it now as i get used to reading academic papers again. as it stands, it's taking me a little longer to get through readings than in the past.
• What is it about Twitter that seems to bring out the worst in people? I don't know... it just seems like all too often i see mean spirited tweets about... well, anything and everyone. sometimes it just makes me want to deactivate my account... on the other hand, i do find out some interesting things. so, maybe i just need to unfollow some people. hmmm... while i'm at it, i need to look at my tweets and see how mean spirited they were.
• oh, and speaking of Twitter, why do i not consider people big celebs unless they have a "Verified Account?" Larry King? Yes. Oprah? Yes. Shaq? Yes. Neffe from BET? Eh, not so much.
  
• so, i was watching the U.S. Open yesterday afternoon (Venus was playing) and man, i got into it! that's the first time i've ever really watched tennis and i was yelling at the t.v. and jumping up and down at key moments. i still don't quite know how the scoring goes, but that will come in due time! LOL!
• this thing about the President's Speech to students has worked my last nerve. I understand that people were concerned about the content. But, really? what did they think he was going to say? Spew some propaganda? And now that the actual text has been released, we see there wasn't any cause for concern. The way I see it, did those parents act that way when there were guest speakers in their kids' schools, because in essence, the President is a guest speaker. anyway, i'm kinda glad i'm not in the classroom and having to deal with it, especially at my former school, which had a conservative staff.
• It's strange attending a Big 12 school... i'm not really into football and i've never attended a school where football is such a good thing. at any rate, i'm planning to purchase a really cute piece of apparel from the bookstore. what? i saw some cute burnt orange and grey hoodies, shirts, etc. when i was in the bookstore a few weeks ago. i'm sure i'll catch lots of flack wearing it home, but oh, well. it's funny how i didn't even consider going to OU for grad school this time around. oh, yeah, i'd be considered a non-resident, and i'm not trying to pay out of state tuition!
  
• I really hope I sleep well tonight. I haven't quite figured out why, but at night, my bedroom is burning up! Even with the A/C down low, I'll wake up in the night dripping in sweat. It's like i'm having hot flashes! i'm not even 27. i'm too young for hot flashes.
  
• i don't understand why women match their makeup to their outfit. i don't get that at all.
  
• you know who's hair i'm really liking? Kandi's from the real housewives of ATL. I don't necessarily always like her choice of colors. we should always stick with colors that occur in nature. however, i really like the cut. hmmm.... i do want to do something different with my hair.
  

until next time...

feeling some kind of way...

but, i don't quite know how to describe it... classes started on Wednesday, but since I don't have class on Wednesday, I started on Thursday. Thursdays are gonna be looong days. i have class from 4-7 and then another from 7-10, and i'll be working for 5 hours. thank God I don't have work or class on Friday... i need to have one of my teeth removed... the dentist told me about it a few months ago, and i didn't get it done because once removed, i have to get a bridge and those things aren't cheap. i'm not in pain, but a bump has formed on my gum right next to the tooth. it looks small from the inside, but then i looked at my face today and my jaw is just a little puffy. great. for some reason, i'm not worried about it. i mean, i'm concerned, but not worried. i'll get it taken care of... unfortunately my current health insurances expires on the 31st... the insurance with the new job kicks in when i get enrolled, but i have to go through the paperwork first... so, i'm working for UT, right? well, i'll be working part time and it turns out that while full time employees get "free" health insurance, part time employees pay for it, and it's not that cheap. well, it's more than i'm used to paying. then again, it's better than the alternative--- no insurance at all... so, i'm waiting for my refund check from the school to come through. i hate this part of being in school full time and not working yet. so, until the cash starts flowing again, i'll be using my credit card to cover things. i hate that thing so much that i shredded it a loooong time ago, but i had to call the bank and have them issue another one. i'll pay the money back within the month, but i still hate having to use it... my poverty and ed. class is on Tuesday. i haven't seen the syllabus, but i'm already excited about the readings. 2 out of the 4 required books are ones i already own and have read for leisure, just because i wanted to inform myself on the topic... i miss my students, wonder how they're doing and hope they're faring well in 2nd grade... So, Mr. NRN and i are talking again... well, nowhere near as much as we once did. in the past we'd talk, but i always had a certain feeling of... animosity... i guess that's the right word. but, now when we talk, i'm cool. in fact, it feels like old times, before things fell apart. i guess time does heal (some) wounds. It took these wounds about 3 years to fully heal... speaking of 3 years, i can finish this degree in 3 years, IF i work my ass off. working my ass off includes taking at least 12 hours each semester and going to school in the summer. i want this degree, but i also prefer working. so, i'd like to get this done as soon as possible, so i return to being gainfully employed... the thing is, i'm already considering going to school part time next year and working full time. why? because i hate being broke. i like to be able to buy what i want, when i want. well, within reason. being unmarried and without kids, my money's been pretty much just for me. and now, it's still just for me, but there's a lot less of it... things are ok with Jagged Edge. he rode back with me when i left Tulsa last week. he was supposed to say a while, but ended up having to go back after only a few days. i hated it at first (i'd been looking forward to spending quality time as well as getting dicked down daily. what? i'm just being honest.) but, now i think it was for the best. he had some stuff to take care of there and well, i had to start my real life here... oh, and i call him Jagged Edge because i tease him about being rough around the edges. i can't think of a funny story to illustrate this, so you'll have to take my word for it, mmmkay? actually when you read someone's blog you're always taking their word for things, right?... i'll be glad when my car's paid off. too bad that won't be for another year or so. but, at least the end is near! once it's paid off, i don't plan on getting another car for a looong time. well, one where i have to make car payments. i despise car payments. then again, it's the only way i could afford my vehicle, so it's a blessing and a curse... i've pretty much decided not to go to Tulsa for thanksgiving. i haven't broken this news to the necessary people yet. i'm considering waiting until the week before to do so. i've never missed a Thanksgiving at home, but just thinking about the time and energy i'll have to put into it already tires me. if i hadn't been there 3 times already this year, i might feel differently.... if i have little girls, i want to give them gender neutral names, like Cameron. i don't quite know why because i have a gender neutral name and haven't always liked it. but, with me, i think it's because people seem to have a hard time believing that's my name and try to feminize it... case in point: i got my new phone bill today. when you move, you have to start new service, and i guess the person who spoke with me when i did that thought my name had been incorrectly for a year, so she took the liberty of changing a few letters and voila--- it's decidedly feminine!... so, you mean to tell me Drake hasn't even released an album yet?! all this time i'm thinking dude's album dropped and i just hadn't picked it up... i need a desk, a bookcase, a TV stand, and a coffee table. the desk is the most pressing need as i'm having to use my dining room table as a desk area... i don't eat there, anyway, but i'd like to have the area clear. wait 'til i get my money right (cue the Kanye), and i'll be purchasing a desk and chair. Target has some reasonable and nice pieces. so, i guess i'll go there. Ikea might be an option, but there stuff always seems overpriced and i don't like assembling everything myself. a lamp is cool, but i stop there. i got my dining room table and chairs from there over a year ago and they were a beast to put together... i'd actually like another set, but one thing holding me back is the fact i put it together myself and i don't want to see someone else profit from my hard labor. LOL!... this may be TMI, but oh, well, it's my blog and i can give out TMI if i feel like it. anyway, earlier this month i switched from the pill to the Nuva.ring. OMG! I love it! i could remember to take the pill daily, but not necessarily at the exact same time, which of course is the key to its success. now, i just slide that bad boy in, go about my merry way, take it out a few weeks later and i'm covered! well, at least from little mini-mes popping up... ok, i'm off to bed. i just typed OMG. that's not a good sign ;-)...

until next time...